I watch the waves crash against the craggy
rocks, far below, the beat of the restless tide matching with that of my
restless heart. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave this island,
to jump down into that stormy blue, capped with white.
But I can’t.
I know I can’t, and so do the Men. That’s
why they chose this island, small – tiny, in fact – high above the roaring
waves. The sheer height of the cliffs keeping me from running.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
with my friends here. I had them once, lots of them. But they were bad, they
made me do bad things, or so said the Men. My friends are the reason I’m here.
They must not find me.
It didn’t take them long to bore, and once
they got bored they left, never to be seen again. Suzy was the only one who
stayed; she was my favourite, my best friend. We understood one another. She wouldn’t have left me, I know,
something scared her away. Every time I try to remember—
Pain.
Blinding.
White-hot.
A flash.
Electricity.
There was lightning.
Of course it was the lightning. Suzy’s
terrified of that.
She was gone. And I was alone.
The memory makes me scream, throwing tufts
of the island’s parched grass at the low-hanging gray clouds.
“Why me? Why do you hate me so much?!”
“I’ve never hated you. You’re my best
friend.”
I can barely breathe.
Stones crumble off the ledge as the
claw-like hands pull up the willowy body. She stands above me, smiling
maliciously, like Death himself.
“Suzy?” My voice is weak.
“But you were bad. They brought out the
lightning, don’t you remember? You know how I hate that. I told you I’d be
back, and here I am.” She cackles menacingly, the wild wind whipping her hair
around her head. “And I know that’s what you want.”
Her legs merge together, turning into a
long serpentine tail. I watch, powerless as it coils around me.
“Isn’t it?”
I shake my head, writhing away as she
creeps her long and bony hands up my arm. “No.” First quiet. And then loud.
Until I’m screaming it with all I have. “NO!”
“But I thought you wanted a friend, maybe
you don’t deserve one…”
The island melts into the stained white
walls of padding, droplets of the older vista slipping into oblivion. Suzy
herself dissolves into a swell of spiders, which scurry into the cracks between
the walls.
I am alone in the padded room. The
sanitarium. Just as I have always been. Screaming ‘No’ because that’s all I’ve
ever known. All I can believe in.
The Men open the padded door, dragging me
from the room, they tie me to a table, attaching sharp metal clips to my skin,
“Shh, we’re just going to help you with a little shock therapy, now.”
My expression is blank, “Suzy won’t be back
for a while. She’s scared of lightning.”
